The only good thing about Tom Brady tearing his ACL in the Week 1 opener is the crying of all those fantasy football players.  The screams of agony of thousands of “virtual coaches” as they watch their No. 1 draft pick get sidelined for the season.  Do not feel sympathy for them; these are the same bunch of jocks who thought playing Dungeons and Dragons was queer.  Now 30 years later, when their wives won’t give up the balloon knot, they have to sit in some guy’s living room in a circle around a table and fantasize they are something they are not.  Delicious irony.

Sometimes I wish a natural disaster would occur just so people would be distracted and I could get items on eBay much cheaper.

NBC has the Olympics this year (as they always do) and without any doubt, they have failed to produce a useable TV schedule.  In response, someone has done the work for them, and created a Google Calendar version of the schedule.

http://www.google.com/calendar/htmlembed?src=olympics_%257e_01039895__10003%23tv%40group.v.calendar.google.com

I didn’t see an iCal version anywhere of the Olympic schedule, but if I find one, I’ll be sure to update this post.

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For those of you who do not know, Gary Gygax, the father of D&D, died at 69.

Like many great people throughout time, he did not invent something from scratch. He created the world of Dungeons and Dragons from the archetypes that J.R.R. Tolkien imagined. This in no way diminishes his achievements, for millions of lives have been affected.

To me, and plenty of other kids who preferred brain over brawn, he gave us an outlet for our creativity. He created a world where the only limit was your imagination. A world where guidelines were given, you fleshed out the details, and was created with a simple 5-word magical incantation; “You are in a bar…”

I’m sure there will be many other posts like this (but this one is mine) around the Internet today, and my self-serving nature merely wants to contribute. Boring you with details on how he affected my life would be completely pointless; those of you who played Dungeons and Dragons understand, those of you who didn’t, won’t.

To Gary, let’s just hope the deity you meet in the after-life isn’t begrudging you for being left out of Deities and Demi-Gods.

Why should fans be loyal to sports teams, when the players aren’t loyal to the fans? Each year (read: end of contract), players have to decide if they want to go to another team to make more money or stay where they are. The only reason most players stay on a team for any length of time is because they are bound by contracts.*

I, however, am not. I’m not bound to the Phillies(/Eagles/Flyers/Sixers) just because I live near Philadelphia. I’m a fan. I demand action, and excitement. If my “team” isn’t giving me action or excitement, why can’t I choose another? Tell me honestly, WHY do I have to be a fan of only one team?

And the jocks cry, “duuuude, you bandwagon jumper! Where were you when we were on a 10 game losing streak?” You know where I was? Supporting a team which DESERVES my energy by giving me fantastic games to watch. But I know your anger stems from your jealousy of me, watching me jump up and down in elation as the team I’m rooting for scores again, and it’s OK. It’s a perfectly acceptable response, you just need to recognize that as a human, if I’m going to invest my time, money and emotions into a team and I don’t get a return, I need a new investment.

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Today marks the 50th anniversary of the Sputnik launch by Russia, essentially the beginning of the Space Age. It’s times like this that makes one marvel at the capabilities of human ingenuity.

When one considers the hundreds of years it took to go from using stone to bronze to iron, and the thousands of years to just get to the Stone age, it really shows the human potential when you consider the Industrial Revolution was only a mere 150-year span.

In a paltry 50 years, we have a (relatively) stable space program with regular human flight, created a world-wide electronic data network, developed nuclear power and even gave blacks the right to vote.

And now, I can’t help but think what will happen in my lifetime (hopefully another 50 years). Will commercial space flight be available? Will everything be Internet-ready? Will there be a black President?

Regardless of how many resume resources there are on the net, I have yet to find someone who knows how to write one. Here is a subset of my many resume peeves.

• Multiple Pages - I highly doubt you are so skilled and have achieved so many notable accomplishments to warrant two pages. Unless you are preparing a Curriculum Vitae, follow the KISS ASS method; Keep It Simple, Short And Sweet, Stupid.
  • Waste of Space - By merely handing me your resume, I understand your Objective — to get a job.
  • Nobody Likes You - There is no need to tell me your references are available upon request.
• Nobody Cares About Your Personal Life - A sure-fire way to not get the interview is to get way too personal on your resume.
  • Communication Breakdown - I will not hire DrexelShaft4U@gmail.com, DarkElven1@aol.com, or FansyPanties69@hotmail.com. Get a more professional email address, and don’t use the email address of the company where you currently work.
  • Instant Lawsuit - If you place an interest, hobby or organization on your resume that could be controversial, there can be grounds for legal action if you aren’t hired; regardless if you bombed the interview. Therefore, you will not be granted one.
• Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader - Proper grammar and spelling are a sign of fine craftsmanship. If you failed to perfect something you had plenty of time to work on, how am I supposed to believe you can follow-through on a task during crunch-time.

It’s no secret that most of the country hates Eagles fans.  From their bad attitudes to the band-wagon jumping, they make up some of the most deplorable humans in sports fan history.

Last night I’m at a bar in Philadelphia, and there’s a Phillies game on (vs the Washington Nationals).  It’s closely tied at 1-1 for most of the game, tensions are mounting.  As we go into the 10th inning, nearly everyone at the bar is watching the game.

The “Phils” have runners at first and second, no outs.  *crack* Up the middle and off the shoe of the center fielder! The runner at second base rounds third base and heads for home!  SCORE!  2-1 Phillies!

And the bar erupts, “E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!”.

WHAT?  Are you kidding me?  Do you realize how stupid this looks?  Chanting a FOOTBALL team cheer during a BASEBALL game?  Your LAST PLACE Eagles aren’t even PLAYING!  I wanted to buy hot coffee just to throw in their faces.

You can ask my half-black friend, I’m not a racist. I have seen most episodes of Def Comedy Jam (when Martin Lawrence hosted), can name a Hip-Hop artist other than 50 Cent or Snoop Dogg, and even enjoy fried chicken and watermelon.

That opening paragraph is normally the battle-cry of someone riddled with White Guilt. Someone who believes they have to justify their actions to lesser people who will judge them. I have no such quality, therefore you will not get an apology for this post. If you are someone who cannot differentiate between statements of fact (”Mexican immigrants, on average, have lower incomes than Natives.”), observation (”English people have bad teeth.”) and stereotypes (”Chinese people have trouble with our ‘R’ sound.”), all of which are not inherently racist, then scram. I’m only talking to people with open minds.

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Here’s an intellectual curiosity that piqued my fancy: The number 9 spot on the top 10 google searches that point to my website.

Apparently in an effort to dominate the PageRank at Google, I have successfully cornered the niche market of risque text-editing.

What could “nsfw vi” possibly mean??

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