Regardless of how many resume resources there are on the net, I have yet to find someone who knows how to write one. Here is a subset of my many resume peeves.

• Multiple Pages - I highly doubt you are so skilled and have achieved so many notable accomplishments to warrant two pages. Unless you are preparing a Curriculum Vitae, follow the KISS ASS method; Keep It Simple, Short And Sweet, Stupid.
  • Waste of Space - By merely handing me your resume, I understand your Objective — to get a job.
  • Nobody Likes You - There is no need to tell me your references are available upon request.
• Nobody Cares About Your Personal Life - A sure-fire way to not get the interview is to get way too personal on your resume.
  • Communication Breakdown - I will not hire DrexelShaft4U@gmail.com, DarkElven1@aol.com, or FansyPanties69@hotmail.com. Get a more professional email address, and don’t use the email address of the company where you currently work.
  • Instant Lawsuit - If you place an interest, hobby or organization on your resume that could be controversial, there can be grounds for legal action if you aren’t hired; regardless if you bombed the interview. Therefore, you will not be granted one.
• Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader - Proper grammar and spelling are a sign of fine craftsmanship. If you failed to perfect something you had plenty of time to work on, how am I supposed to believe you can follow-through on a task during crunch-time.

It’s no secret that most of the country hates Eagles fans.  From their bad attitudes to the band-wagon jumping, they make up some of the most deplorable humans in sports fan history.

Last night I’m at a bar in Philadelphia, and there’s a Phillies game on (vs the Washington Nationals).  It’s closely tied at 1-1 for most of the game, tensions are mounting.  As we go into the 10th inning, nearly everyone at the bar is watching the game.

The “Phils” have runners at first and second, no outs.  *crack* Up the middle and off the shoe of the center fielder! The runner at second base rounds third base and heads for home!  SCORE!  2-1 Phillies!

And the bar erupts, “E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!”.

WHAT?  Are you kidding me?  Do you realize how stupid this looks?  Chanting a FOOTBALL team cheer during a BASEBALL game?  Your LAST PLACE Eagles aren’t even PLAYING!  I wanted to buy hot coffee just to throw in their faces.

You can ask my half-black friend, I’m not a racist. I have seen most episodes of Def Comedy Jam (when Martin Lawrence hosted), can name a Hip-Hop artist other than 50 Cent or Snoop Dogg, and even enjoy fried chicken and watermelon.

That opening paragraph is normally the battle-cry of someone riddled with White Guilt. Someone who believes they have to justify their actions to lesser people who will judge them. I have no such quality, therefore you will not get an apology for this post. If you are someone who cannot differentiate between statements of fact (”Mexican immigrants, on average, have lower incomes than Natives.”), observation (”English people have bad teeth.”) and stereotypes (”Chinese people have trouble with our ‘R’ sound.”), all of which are not inherently racist, then scram. I’m only talking to people with open minds.

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Do you have Halo Fever? Seeing blue glowing spots? Locking on with your knife before cutting something? Constantly wondering where you are only carrying two things at any one time? I recommend BioShock for temporary relief!

I heard so much about this “genetically enhanced super shooter”. Alright, we GET IT, it’s “revolutionary”, Ooo. But, I was quickly silenced. A mere one level into renting this game I just wanted to play another. It’s not just the gameplay, it’s EVERYTHING.  I had to purchase it before my rental period was even up.

While the game is quite linear, exploration of the world is encouraged for extra resources. From the opening scene to your first plasmid (genetic powerup), you want to immerse yourself in the world of Rapture…

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